Three Years

I lost my mom 3 years ago.  I had a child 3 years ago.  I will never forget my first Mother's day without a mother, and yet at the same time, as a mother.  Words can't express the mixed emotions I felt - pride, longing, happiness, grief, but there was plenty of love.  Always love.

Love has been the one constant my entire life.  My mother was the single most nurturing, loving and caring person I have ever known.  She had three children, one boy, two girls.  She loved each of them with such passion - pure, raw, selfless love.  She knew no other way.  Mom often joked about what she would do to the poor soul who even looked funny at one of her kids - the funny part is, we all knew it was true.  She had more protection instinct than a mama Grizzly bear, driven from love.  Mom kissed my boo-boos, she wiped away my tears, she made special desserts for special occasions and she taught me compassion.  She taught me what it meant to treat others how I wanted to be treated, the golden rule.  She taught me manners, she taught me respect, she taught me all the qualities that she possessed and I grew into the respectful, mindful, considerate adult I am today - just as she was.

Mom was unconditionally proud of me.  She raised me the best she knew how and I was a remarkable individual in her eyes.  She always told me how proud she was, how much she loved me and it never went unappreciated.  There were times I felt silly and almost uncomfortable when she would go on, but I would give almost anything to hear her words again today.  She made me feel special.

It's been 3 years without Mom.  I have a family of my own now - one I am so grateful she got to meet before passing away.   It wasn't long after I had my daughter Kayla when Mom passed away - I truly believe things happen for a reason and I know deep down Mom was meant to see that I was happy before she left this world.  She was meant to see her only granddaughter and know that her legacy would live on.

I have alot to live up to as a Mom.  My mom set that bar pretty high, but it is a bar I intend to reach, she raised me well enough to know that there is no other way - just love.

Happy Mother's Day Mom.  I love you, I miss you more than words can say and I hope you knew that I was - and always will be - every bit as proud of you as you were of me.